Vice President Dick Cheney underwent an examination for an irregular heartbeat. During the examination doctors discovered that the irregular beat was actually caused by gas and that the Vice President is missing a heart. “This is very rare,” commented one of the physicians treating the Vice President. The physician went on to say that Mr. Cheney was the first patient lacking a heart that he had encountered during his career as a cardiologist. He explained that in the past there have been speculations that such men as Genghis Khan, Napoleon, Stalin, Pol Pot, and Adolf Hitler might have lacked a heart; however, either empirical evidence unavailable because the body had been destroyed or was never found or a heart had been found, even if severely diseased. "Nevertheless," the doctor said, "a human being without a heart is not a contradiction and therefore not logically impossible."
Political scientists and philosophers quickly began speculating on the possibility that had the Vice President had a heart, that perhaps the war in Iraq may have been avoided and that the billions of dollars spent on the war might have been devoted to addressing urgent needs in America, such as water shortages; the spread of disease; mortgage foreclosures; deteriorating infrastructure such as schools, bridges, and dams; and the growing homeless populations.
Some scientists have even speculated that President George Bush himself, and perhaps even Donald Rumsfeld and Karl Rove, could be lacking a heart; however, the president turned down a request to be examined.
When asked about how Cheney’s condition would be treated, the doctor leading Cheney’s medical team said that a mechanical heart was being considered.
