The day began with a sulfuric cloud descending upon the city of La Jolla. Eyes and throats burning, the locals wondered what was going on. What was going on was Condoleezza Rice had just flown into La Jolla, just like John Milton’s Satan flies into Eden, but Rice was followed by a yellowish acidic vapor trail.
Those who witness her descent said it was an amazing sight. Flames surrounded her body as if she was an asteroid. Fortunately she was protected by greenish-brown scales. On campus teachers tried to keep students from fleeing the reptilian spectacle, which would have left no one to attend the presentation. Especially frightening were the long claws protruding from her hands. Instead of feet she had hooves. And when she landed she let out a terrible screech that caused many ears to bleed. Once she landed her wings retracted but her tail continued to swish back and forth. One confused child ran into the tail and was cut in half. People rushed to aid the child but in the blink of an eye a forked tongue shot out and grabs the two parts of the child, one on each fork, and retracted, child and all, back into the mouth.
Smiling, she said, “I learned how to use my forked tongue when I was Secretary of State.”
Teachers and students watched in awe as George W. Bush’s former serpent made its/her way Velociraptor-like to the gym. One reporter asked a parent what she thought about the students apparently having no choice in having to see such a frightening sight. “It’s a remarkable opportunity. I skipped work to be here. How often does one have a chance to see one of Satan’s helpers?”
In the gym Condoleezza offered some advice on life. She told the students to follow their passions, saying that once she wanted to be a musician and that she was pretty good but then decided to become a mass murderer and war criminal.
Then the only black in the audience asked, “But wouldn’t have been more enjoyable to become someone like Etta James, who brought beauty and happiness into the world with her music instead of being Auntie Thomas to a dumbass, warmongering honky from Texas, George W. Bush?”
“You must be confusing me with that Uncle Tom Colin Powell. Believe me I got more balls than that Oreo or the prez. Powell bailed when things got bloody.
“He was a liar like you, right?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwdsm-Oux4o
“You better watch your mouth or else I’ll zap your black ass. But it’s true Powell was liar. But you see the difference me and Uncle Tom Powell is that I can lie with a clear conscience. You have to if you want to be a real Republican. And what’s wrong with a lie. It’s simply not telling the truth. Big fucking deal!”
One student asked how many people did she help kill. Flicking her tongue toward the audience, she said, “Thousands of men, women, and children. Maimed and tortured thousands more. It was a real bloody holiday.” Then she showed slides:
http://www.thewe.cc/weplanet/news/depleted_uranium_iraq_afghanistan_balkans.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmcSYgCecXU
One student who raised her hand to speak held up a crucifix, apparently to protect herself from Condoleezza's demonic powers. "Honey," said the former secretary of state, "that cross won't do you any good. Don't you know Satan and Yahweh are pals? You need to read the Book of Job. It tells about how God and his sidekick Satan planned together how to torment Job. Those two were a real inspiration to all the members of the Bush administration. Where do you think we got the idea that torture is godly?"
The student put away the little cross and said, “But you help killed and maim lots of children.”
“Delicious,” was the serpent’s reply.
The lizard said she even considered becoming National Football League commissioner, but couldn’t pass up the opportunity to become a war criminal. “No fucking way the football field compares to the battlefield.”
One student asked if she wasn’t worried about being brought before the World Court. Condoleezza just hissed out a laugh and said, “America is above the law and has the nukes to prove it.”
When asked what inspired her to join the Bush administration, Condoleezza said that her hero was Eunice Rivers.
The student said she didn’t know her.
“She was the nurse who coordinated Tuskegee syphilis experiment.”
“Wasn’t that the experiment where white doctors gave placebos to black men infected with syphilis?”
“Exactly. I mean that must have been almost as much fun as water-boarding. And it taught those adulterous niggers a lesson. Damn shame Cain and Gingrich were in the study.”
“But you’re black.”
“Only on the outside, just like Eunice. Besides the victims of the killing I was involved in were brown-skin Muslims, hardly human you know.”
Rice told students that when they grow up they may not want to do what they want now. In her case she thought she wanted to be a pianist. She said she was good but not great, so instead of murdering Beethoven she decided to murder Iraqis and Afghans.
Then one student said he wanted to know more about her lying. A Flame shot from Condoleezza mouth and ignited the student. “Any other questions?” she asked. About that time the narrator decided to dumb down the conversation and talk about sports. Condoleezza revealed her Super Bowl pick, jinxing the San Francisco 49ers just as she and the rest of Bush's diabolical crew jinxed America.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1UI4KVJCC8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmi7crM4LuI&feature=related
No Code Pink at Bishop’s. Only Republicans were allowed into the event.
One student said that she thought the whole ‘follow your passion thing’ was kind of cool and that she never considered becoming a mass murderer because she didn’t think it was a real option. But now she understood that it was an option if she was willing to become a Republican and go into politics.
Later in the program Condoleezza was given the Eva Braun Achievement Award.
Some adults paid to have lunch with Condoleezza, but many became sick because she hung from the ceiling while eating—using her forked tongue to snatch morsels of raw meat from the plate. Apparently it was a delicacy flown in from Afghanistan.
After Condoleezza flew off, everyone let out a sigh of relief. One reporter asked a sixth grader what he learned from listening to Condoleezza. He said his history teacher had just finished discussing the Hannah Arendt’s idea of the banality of evil. “I didn’t really know what the teacher meant until listening to Condoleezza Rice. I mean like she reminded me of that serial killer in Silence of the Lambs.”
Inside the San Diego Union Tribune Condoleezza is shown laughing just above the Obituaries. That seems appropriate. Obviously the work of a stealth Democrat employed by the newspaper.
Fortunately the Dalai Lama has been called in to do a spiritual fumigation of the city.
