The mayor of New York City Michael Bloomberg is upset with Mother Nature for threatening the
city that he just bought. He appealed to the city’s orthodox rabbis to pray to
Yahweh to call off the deluge. They have refused because the city is filled
with gentiles.
He also considered asking the Catholic Church for its
prayers but changed his mind because he assumed the Church is presently out of
favor with God because of Rite of Pedophilia priests have been performing on
choir boys.
Bloomberg did warn his subjects not to damage riot and loot
public property which he considers his own.
The governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, has generously offered his own body as a shelter if
the state is inundated. His body would be used as an island. Scientists say
that his body would more likely become earth’s newest continent and warned that
children should avoid digging in the fatty soil or otherwise risk coming down
with fatal diabetes. Boats will be able to use harpoons to anchor to the
island.
Mitt Romney
accursed Obama of causing the storm, using Air Force One to seed storm clouds,
in order to disrupt Romney progress against the president. As a result Romney
has order a half million Mormon missionaries to pass out leaflets that says
LET’S PUNCH BACK, with his son Tagg punching Obama. In the background appears a
tree with what looks like a noose hanging from it.
When Paul Ryan
was asked how he and Romney would respond to such a storm, Ryan said, “With a
lot of prayer. In the same way people without medical insurance should deal
with disease—prayer. Let God deal with such crises. He’s there for the poor and
needy. And he’s got the power and like the energy from the sun he doesn’t
charge for his gifts. Of course there would be prayer at all meals and at
cabinet meetings at the White House. If it was good enough for Dubya it’s good
enough for us. Just look how well he handled the Katrina thing, which affected
mostly members of that 47% of have-nots and do-nothings. Lots of prayer. When
asked about the dead. “They’re in a better place. Praise the Lord.”
In the South the born-agains
have been rejoicing. First, they say it’s high time that God punished the
Babylon of the East Coast, New York City. And they are hoping that next an
earthquake will cause California to fall into the ocean. “The ocean will bubble
like Hydrogen
peroxide poured on an infected wound.” The other big hope is that
Hurricane Sandy is a sign that End Times have finally arrived. “We’ve waited
two-thousand years for the world to end and now’s the time. Glory be to God.”
Janet Napolitano of
Homeland Security believes the storm
was caused by al-Qaeda. FBI who flew aircraft into the eye of the hurricane
reported seeing pages of the Koran swirling about the plane. Napolitano
speculates that perhaps the body of Osama bin Laden should not have been dumped
into the ocean.
Finally, Governor Andrew
Cuomo ordered the city of New York evacuated and has cancelled all public
transportation.
This is Mr. Living Right reporting from the Sunny Beach,
California.
