The Whale Spirit Speaks to Mother Nature
The Whale Spirit had been pleading a long time to Mother Nature to punish the Japanese for their destruction of the great leviathans. And finally Mother Nature answered her prayers. And then the Whale Spirit asked when the people of Norway and Iceland will be destroyed.
“In time, my daughter, in time” said the Great Mother. "I'm working on increasing the sea level as we speak. You must be patient."
"And the rest of inhumanity? When will they be destroyed?"
“With their overpopulation, excessive exploitation of my resources, and their dangerous technologies, I doubt they will last the century.”
“I hope what you say is true for the leviathans and all your other creatures suffer and die everyday.”
“I will allow the inhumans to destroy themselves.”
“Then the creatures of the world will be free of their pestilence.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmjNaf6ddF0
George Bush on the Japanese Earthquake and Tsunami
George Bush offered his sympathy for the Japanese, saying, "Mericans know and feel your pain cause we too have suffered, we too lost thousands on that fateful day we began the war gainst terror, September 11 2001 or was it 2002? And even now we suffer thinking that some of our nuke facilities could blow. But the man from Kenya, your president, said expanding nuclar power will add jobs and help with the goal of relying more on clean energy. And if one blows, that will create more jobs too. It’s a win win situation.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tsth_9pQhw&feature=relmfu
Bush also said, "If mericans could harness Obama’s hot air, merica would not have to build anymore nuclar power plants. Just funnin ya. But serious, ain't nothin can be done. The shaking of the earth, the flooding waters, the smoke and fire and radioactive pestilence—all are the workings of the Lord and signs that the Apocalypse approaches. I'm blessed to have played some part in God's plan of destruction with my two little wars.
But until that final day when Jeesus returns with sword in hand with his fellow riders of the Apocalypse, we must remain ever viligent and protect ourselves in a world infested with terrorists who who seek to bring upon merica a similar catastrophic catastrophe. (The terrorists are still the bad guys even if they are working for the Lord.)
That means being prepared at home, such as havin all the essentials, like lots of masking tape for the windows and iodine, which can be used for minor burns and scrapes and taken if exposed to nuclar radiation. But first and foremost, what is needed is a couple good semiautomatic rifles and lots of ammo for when the looters come knocking.
Stay frosty, and remember disasters can be fun. Remember when I was president? Me, Powell, Wolfowitz, Cheney, Rumsfeld—we were all riders of the Apocalypse. Condoleezza too. She was one of the guys. Boy did we raise hell! So until that fateful day, barbecue up and throw back a couple ice teas. God bless merica, your former commander and chief, Dubya, signing out."
CIA Suspect Japanese Earthquake and Tsunami Caused by al-Qaeda
A spokesman for the CIA said that the organization was far from uncertain that an al-Qaeda cell was not responsible for the Japanese earthquake and the resulting tsunami. Therefore, the agency has authorized a fleet of eight U.S. warships (America doesn’t have any rescue ships anyway), including the celebrated aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan be sent to the region. In addition five more warships will follow.
Under the guise of aiding the Japanese people, the ships will be searching for a two-man submersible suspected of being designed in Afghanistan, transported through Pakistan, from where it sailed to the coast of Japan. A man in scuba gear who appeared to be wearing a turban was spotted by a U.S. Navy attack drone. So it's believed that that the captain of the submersible is none other than Osama bin Laden.
The drone fired two missiles, which unfortunately missed Osama and sank a private yacht loaded with Bibles to be smuggled into China. The cruel irony is the Bibles were made in China. Nevertheless, no expense of either blood or money shall be spared to locate and destroy the terrorist vessel and kill the two terrorists on board, especially the leader of the terrorist group al-Qaeda, the arch-terrorist Osama bin Laden.
However, since some 38,000 US troops are stationed in Japan and another 11,000 sailors are based on ships just off the coast it is hope that during this crisis the Japanese government will not close the bars and brothels American servicemen depend on. Otherwise, there could be an outbreak of rapes and both governments wish to avoid such an incident at this time.
God Punished Japan for Homosexuality Says Pastor Fred Phelps
It is claimed that His Holiness Phelps said that God discovered some gays hiding in the closets in Japan and because God FUCKING HATES FAGS he decided the Japs had to be taught another lesson. Apparently they didn’t get the divine message when God punished them with atomic bombs.
Once the radiation clears, Phelps will be sending thousands of Kansans to Japan to protest at the funerals of Japanese children, since there aren’t enough volunteers to cover the adult funerals.
Most Recent Theory:
Asians Doing Laundry in UCLA Library Caused Japanese Disaster
Did I get that right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkQ5-7Ii3aU
Anyway, that’s the theory according to Alexandra Wallace. Her complaint drew death threats from the Yakuza and other Asian criminal organizations. I'm thinking Alexandra has been feeling a little like those sailors on the U.S.S. Arizona. What was she thinking?
Apparently she doesn’t realize that Los Angeles is no longer an American city. She must have watched the Marine Corp’s feature-length multicultural recruiting film Battle: Los Angeles and thought L.A. had been liberated from the aliens. No way. The human aliens had already taken the city before the extraterrestrials arrived. In fact, looking at the soldiers, the aliens have pretty much colonized the Marines.
When I saw Alexandra I realized that now there must exist an Affirmative Action program not only for black Americans but white ones as well. Apparently Alexandra was trying to look intelligent but didn’t know that the human brain isn’t located in the mammary glands or that blonds have a reputation for being dumb. If anyone needed a burka, Alexandra did.
Now Alexandra is blacklisted. Did she think she could diss a group of aliens and get away with it? Doesn’t she know who is the president? She'll never be able to get a job working with people because now she’s been classified as an uber racist, excuse my French, for speaking out against the people who have taken over what was once her country.
I’m thinking she might want to dye her hair black and get her eyes slanted as a gesture of contrition. She may even consider immolating herself in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre.
Warning: Designed in America
Yeah, what about those out of control reactors? Designed in America, that’s what, just like the U.S. economy that just experienced a meltdown. My advice to the Japanese, next time stick with Japanese designed and made, for the same reason Americans drive Hondas and Toyotas.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/16/world/asia/16contain.html
